Abstain
Clinton Small

I woke up at my friend Angelica’s house. It was 10 AM, and I had been sleeping since 12 am when we got home from the airport. It was the nighttime in Wyoming, and it was a strange feeling to be waking up in Japan in the morning. I brought a gallon of my homebrewed apple wine to celebrate what I was going to do in the next two days.

It was two days until I took my vows, and I was prepared to do it. That night it was just Angelica, her friend that I have forgotten the name of, and I who celebrated. We sat on Angelica’s nameless friend’s balcony with the soft light of a string of Christmas lights shinning on us. We spoke of our years we had in common growing up, and living together as roommates. We drank the apple wine that I put in a 20 year old gallon-sized glass jug that had a faded juice label on it. Her friend was interested with my plans that were going to be fulfilled in the day to come, and that is the only thing I can remember about her. Angelica was my last friend on the way to where I was going. We drank much of the wine that night.

The next day Angelica woke me up. It wasn’t going to be long before we had to leave. I was thirsty and drank water, but had no breakfast. Angelica’s nameless friend had a car and she drove us to the temple 2 hours into the countryside. I said my last goodbyes to Angelica, and her friend. They drove off.

I entered the Zen temple and my teacher was expecting me, as soon as I entered I am asked to repeat the five precepts from memory. I proceed:
“I understand to observe the rule
to abstain from taking life;
to abstain from taking what is not given;
to abstain from sensuous misconduct;
to abstain from false speech;
to abstain from intoxicants as tending to cloud the mind.”

I recited them with haste and clarity of action. The unfamiliarity and rush of the induction into this temple should have left me feeling awkward and alone, but somehow if felt nothing of the sort. I was prepared to end my life of suffering, and enter the life of a Buddha.

It humored me to utter the last precept when the alcohol, that was put there the night before, was still clearing from my blood stream. I am given a robe, and asked to give up all my possessions. The way I celebrated my release from the wheel of Samsara was perhaps foolish for I decided much earlier that I believed in benefits of following the five precepts, and abstaining from desires, but that is how my life proceeded. I was sincere with my vows, and have not since that day broken one of them.