Natasha Parker

Seasons

SUMMER

   I always knew that Summer would leave me; I knew its illness before I committed to continue loving it. I think knowing that it would never belong to me made me crave it with much desire. Eventually reality would come and the season would parish before my eyes.

            Summer was more mature than I was; it knew how to appreciate the breeze and the misty mornings, the dew on top of the flowers and the sunrise that only the season could bring. I loved that the humidity accompanied us; it witnessed my breath being taken away. Summer provided me with the completion of having been loved. It showed me that love was more then just the physical aspects; it was spiritual and emotional. Summer loved me in all those ways and made sure that it wrapped its season’s arms around me while I slept through its warmth.

            I fell for the music of the birds chirping in the mornings, the way the ocean felt as I dipped my toes in its currents. I fell for the lemonade stands and the strangers just passing through. I enjoyed the Summer to its full potentials; I don’t think anyone could ever have a bond like the one I have committed to with my favorite season. I understand Summer; I have created a bond that is unbreakable with the fever and intangible due to my obsession. Summer was only here to make my life easier, a chapter within the pages of my biography; one in which loved me back and made me whole, and gave me the chance to prosper.

            Summer had warned me from the beginning that it itself was only temporary. It was only meant for me to enjoy when I needed it most, it had put aside a certain time to be with me, but would be moving on soon. I never thought it would really leave me, I always thought that I would have forever with my favorite season, eternity with something so pure and innocent, but Summer never lied to me, it left as smoothly as it had come.

 At first I didn’t realize that it had moved on away from me, I was still sipping iced drinks and skipping over the drawn hop scotch on the concrete. The sun was still shining and the children were all out wrestling through the daisies and wildflowers. It wasn’t until I turned to thank Summer that I noticed it had left me, and then the way the flowers bent to the side caught my attention. The children had zipped up their pull-overs, and the sound of school buses roared passed breaking me out of my daze. I knew then at that moment Summer had gone, just like that it vanished again. To another lover I suppose, or maybe to cater to itself, no matter where it went to I would always long for it. And next year I will be prepared for its arrival, because I know that Summer will always come back to me. I understood like no one else could or ever can. It’s too unexplainable and confusing Summer will only have one true lover and that is me.

I am aware that next year I will be older, hopefully wiser and Summer will be the same. The chances of us growing apart are unlikely. I grew up with Summer, it comforted me when I was alone in the rain. It raised me in a sense and I will always be thankful. I will always welcome it with open arms and pray for Summer’s return_ whether tarnished   from the rest of the world or polished into a new, Summer will always be my friend and vice versa.

AUTUMN

            It took me some time to understand what the purpose of Autumn coming to me was. I knew that it had motives but I wasn’t really sure how to interpret them.   I remember Autumn being to me nothing but heartache, nothing but the truth and harsh criticism. The colors of reds and oranges replaced my colors of yellows and blues. And the season I was used to was being replaced by one I had no intentions on giving my love to. Autumn insisted. It told me through the whispering chills that it would make me.

            I looked at Autumn as if it was crazy. I knew that Summer would return and it expected me to be exactly the same. I would never be so dishonest I thought to myself. If I never needed support, I needed it by the time that Autumn came around. The night got longer and colder everyday. I hated it; the season never gave me time to rest. It was always on my back pushing me in a direction I knew nothing about, haunting my dreams about Summer, and starving the need for fun and attention. I was ready for the seasons to change, to wipe away the brownish scenery. Create masterpieces free of the colors of orange, red and gold. I wanted a world that I could breathe in and relax to the beat of the sunlight, but instead I got shadows that followed like stalkers, chills at every corner I turned. I was pushed and created into something that I didn’t recognize, a young lady, a woman, a jewel.

             Autumn ultimately succeeded, it did mold me. With all the pushing and the stalking, Autumn turned me into what I always knew would happen. Instead of being the caterpillar that Summer was used to, I was now a butterfly with knowledge and confidence. I knew that I had the power to be anything I wanted to, thanks to the help of Autumn.

            I had a bond with Autumn also, although it is understandable and explainable I am passionate about it just the same. It helped mature me the most, it pointed out that I was beautiful inside and out. It taught me that I could stand alone without my favorite season and still be worthwhile.   I often think about this season the most, only because it was the one I gave the most trouble to. I wasn’t able to allow anyone else to love and Autumn found ways to assure that it would be alright. It convinced me to put down my shield and allow life to come love me. And with all my sincerity I thank Autumn twice as much as I do Summer.

WINTER

            Winter, it was the worst season I had ever came across, it was so painful and electrifying. I hope that it hates me as much as I have a hatred for it. Although it taught me the best lesson of the four, it caused a pain that I can never forget. Winter brought a cold that was unbearable, it was breath taking and insensitive. It focused on the colors of soft blues and angel whites, deceiving it was to me and the ones I love dearly.

            At first I thought that Winter would be easy to handle, I expected it to be cold and for the sky to open up with purity. I imagined the clouds parting slowly and the sun light streaking through the opening of its acceptance. That’s what I thought my third season would bring to me, but on the contrary it brought me gray skies and bolts of lightening through a vulnerable organ I call my heart.

            As I struggled with gaining control of the new thing that started happening to me, Winter hit me with its first shock of electricity. It came to me and told me that my aunt had been diagnosed with Cancer, although it reassured me that she would be perfectly fine after treatments, I did not trust the dishonesty in its voice. I moved on from that heartache, she did recover well; but it wasn’t long until Winter announced that it was taking another one of my aunts to the hospital due to the illness of Cancer.

            There was nothing that Winter could say to me, it was so cruel for it to punish both of aunts together. It was nothing they could have ever done to deserve such a punishment. Perhaps I could have been the sacrifice, but I would not ever want such the pain inside of me. Winter brought out that fact that I was selfish, I had always wanted things I could never have, things that did not solely belong to me and things that other people had tabs on. I realized during this season that I had to accept the things I could not change: I had to put trust in fate and continue on with the best of my ability.

            The ice covered the ground for a reason, it was only there for me to see my reflection, slipping was not the intended purpose. The grey sky was there to hide me from the rest of the world when I was in my darkest hour. The lightening was apparent when my emotions got too overwhelming and the pain caused my heart to stop, the lightening was used to shock me back to reality. Winter had it’s purpose just as all the rest. It taught me that life is too short and any day could be my last, don’t take it too lightly or too heavily.  No matter what happens in your life, Winter taught me that it is only your past you have the right and time to change it. The season took me through an emotional ride that I was unready for, and now I am stronger. It brought me into a phase that I am proud to be out of but thankful of its presence. Winter gave me life and I gave it nothing but a headache, like all of my other seasons I thought I had more time with it. I thought I could build a relationship with Winter and it the same with me, but Winter was bitter and cold, unable to change and unwilling to love. But I am thankful for the time it took to teach to live, no other season could have done it.

            I was ready to conquer my last season, I had learned how to love with Summer, grow with Autumn, and live with Winter. So I figured that Spring would have something in store for me. Unexpectedly it liked me more than Winter had. Spring had respect for me. It understood that I had love for something and was loyal to it, I never compromised or bent when it came to Summer. But Spring had me wishing that I could be in love with them both, it was ultimately impossible. Summer would never share me.

SPRING

            Spring met me at the changing between February and March, it brought me flowers and aromas back from the place it had traveled before it greeted me. I liked Spring at that moment, it reminded me of the days when I had Summer. But unlike Summer, Spring was calm and reassuring. It always had answers to my questions and loved to hear what was next. I had a friendship with Spring, something I never possessed with anyone of my seasons. Spring tumbled with me through pastures of sunflowers, flied kites with me through the breezes; I enjoyed the company that it gave me. I remember whispering into Spring’s ear and allowing it the hearing of my night time thoughts. It just smiled at me and stared into the distance. I had a bond with Spring that not even Summer could take away. The emptiness in the eyes of the rebirthing season, kept me wondering what was the purpose of it’s arrival, was it meant to nurture me or was I there to nurture and protect it?

            Spring never promised me anything, it never asked of too much or even asked me to do anything. It only allowed me to be myself, it laughed with me through the rainy days and rubbed my back when I needed the minimum attention.  

            I had to make up my mind whether I was going to leave Spring, because I knew that it would never leave me. Spring would have stayed as long as I needed it to. So after loving the excitement of Memorial Day, I asked my beautiful to open its wings. Spring never sheltered me, but kept close watch, never stuttered over its words and never was complicated, but now it was all of these things. It looked at me with hurt in its eyes and forced a smile in place of its frowning lips. Slightly and lastly it opened it’s winds of aromas and slightly begin to vanish.

            I have always known that Spring loves me more than Summer, it always has and always will. To love Spring romantically would have restricted the passion I have for it. I love Spring with everything I have, because it never has been a burden to me. It has never caused any pain.   Even when it had all the love for me, it released me back to Summer. Spring could have kept me to itself, I did not know how to turn the page from our chapter. The lesson I realize that Spring taught me was to cherish. Save the memories that you create, they are the things that matter the most. All of my seasons have taught me well, never allowing me to be the same, they all have changed me and for the year that sends them I thank you, I now can finally fly.